who was i, i say, i was a fool a deceiver of myself. standing out, being different, rebellious, desiring to be remembered, such a self centered life. looking for pleasure in some way, i knew it had to be out there, something to fill the emptiness in my heart. never applied myself in school, it was just no fun i thought. alcohol was a blast, all my friends were right there with me. how about harder drugs, high on pot or wired out on speed or dragging on downers or whatever gets me out of this crazy world, i mean you only live once. maybe even some heavy music, it makes me feel good so it must be the thing. oh, i knew what the key to pleasure was it was sex, my tv and music tell me it's the norm, my school says it can be safe, everybody wants to make love not war. maybe just living on the edge would do it, like fast cars and just pushing life to the limit to see how far it would stretch.
the edited version of my life is that i got in trouble multiple times being forced to wear orange a time or two, from parent to parent then back again. to slow me down i broke my neck in a car wreck five days before leaving my teen years into the twenties. even though i was an expecting father at the time, i almost went too far. stared death in the face for three weeks making even my Memphis doctors doubt a positive outcome. on about the third week my miracle baby girl was born and then less than three weeks later i was off to physical rehab to learn how to adapt to my foolish spinal mistake. months later, finding my runaround friends just as when i left. i went back to the same search to fill the emptiness inside me but from a wheelchair this time. i played the same episode of sex, drugs and rock-n-roll. social drinking every weekend resulting in multiple painful hangovers and many un repairable mistakes. i was offered crystal meth and foolishly excepted. adding failure at college to my unaccomplished list. then i took a shot at getting to the financial top finding even some of those that seemed to have it all to be without the answer of a happy life.
a close friend turned up with the treasure of truth in his heart, sending me on a convicting search for what he had found that made the 180 degree change in htm. after many unsuccessful attempts to set myself free by cleaning up my sinful life i now lived. i found it, i found the fix. i knew who GOD and JESUS were and thought i was on good terms with them and even claimed to be a "Christian" if asked. on the phone on some night in march of 1996 i gave up on trying to get straight on my own. i asked GOD to forgive me for all i had done wrong and my life was no longer in my hands but JESUS became the LORD or MASTER of it. then…….